I love my son. I love him so much my heart could just explode. However, I don’t know how I get through every day without breaking down some times.
Warren has both colic and reflux. He struggles to fall asleep unless it’s on my chest, and if I try to put him down he will inevitably wake up after 2 minutes. I struggle to get sleep during the day, wash clothes, have a meal, sit down, without a baby attached to me.
This has made motherhood the hardest job I’ve ever had. Anyone who thinks that it involves sitting down all day watching day time TV is mistaken. It’s a 24 hours a day job, and even if you have a relative who is kind enough to take your baby from you for half a day, you will spend that time thinking about your baby and feeling guilty that they are not with you.
I personally feel guilty if anyone but me is looking after Warren. I chose to have a baby, and so it feels selfish to me to want to have time alone. But I do want time alone.
That’s one of the million reasons why I can say unequivocally that raising a baby is the most difficult thing you can do. It’s hugely rewarding when your baby smiles at you, or looks so content nestled on your chest whilst falling asleep. But I could answer 50 calls and work 100 cases a day in my IT job whilst managing a team every day all day compared to this job, which takes everything I have and a little more.