I’m feeling a bit down today. 

To be fair, I’ve been feeling a bit down all week. I have been thinking a lot about things I wished to achieve but probably won’t now I am a mum; places I wanted to travel to, jobs I would like to have trained for, things I would like to have… 

I obviously love Warren with every fibre of my being, and he was a wanted baby who makes my world complete. I just wish I knew how to silence these nagging thoughts that are driving me slowly mad. 

I think sometimes social media is a huge part of my problem. I see other people with the life I expected myself to have or doing things that I would like to do but then I wonder if they go to bed fulfilled, or if like me there’s a quiet voice in their head saying “What if…”

Now I’m Mum, I can still have goals and ambitions, I know this. But the time scale is longer and it’s harder. Still, here are some small and large things that I would like to do with my life, with little Warren in tow.  

1- Own a house.

The biggie, the hardest one to do in this day and age. Where I live things are stupidly expensive, especially when you think about childcare and everything else. But I will get there, I will own property, and I’m hoping that will be before I’m 30 (so in about 16 months)

2- Get back in to youtube 

This one is easy, you might think, it’s just a case of finding time. I used to youtube regularly, maybe once or twice a week. Like so many things in my life, I wish I had kept going. I’m going to do it again, because now I feel like I actually have things to talk about and things to share.  So I’m kicking myself up the butt. Watch this space. 

3- Travel to Japan and South Korea. 

I will get over my fear of flying. I will. And I will travel to these two destinations. I wish I had had the guts and determination to live there for a year after university, but I think I was too wrapped up in other things (the opposite sex mainly. Ugh, I want to slap past me so much sometimes!) It probably won’t be until Warren is a teenager and can come with me and actually remember the experience, but at least that gives me plenty of time to save up #japankorea2032 

4- Get another qualification. 

I went to university and got a degree in a subject I no longer care for. I wish I had tried harder, worker harder and gone somewhere better to do something more useful. But again, past me was stupid. 

I’d like to be qualified in something to actually help me with me life. I want a piece of paper to show employers, to justify why they should want me, and I’m willing to put the time and effort in to get it. 

There are other things that I wish I’d have done that don’t warrant a whole paragraph, but you get the gist. I guess it happens when you have time to think- being alone with a baby all day gives you plenty of time. 

I am a mum. I have goals. And I will achieve them, to show my son what can be done when you put yourself out there and try.